May the best of your past be the worst of your future. It teases, it pleases, it spreads all diseases God what a snatch Down the hatch Here's to the hole that never heals The more you rub it the better it feels And all the soap this side of hell Won't wash away that fishy smell Here's to Hell May my stay there Be as much fun as my way there Here is to being single Seeing double and Sleeping triple God damn them! Heres to the husbands whove won you, the losers whove lost you, and the lucky bastards whove yet to meet you. -Nick Mercer, 3. "Here's to a long life and a happy one. Lifes a waste of time and times a waste of life. To your genitalia: May they never fail ya, or jail ya. Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice. Four blessings upon you. "Happy birthday! The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.". Welcome to Twitter if you are not already following a mom who drinks wine one will be assigned to you. A cold pint and another one." 4. To Men. 58.) I shant. Its a way to unify a group, mark a special occasion, or acknowledge someone. Cop: Have you been out drinking?Me: Uh yeah, Im 28, Ive been out drinking literally hundreds of times.. 34. May we be in heaven half an hour before the devil knows were dead. It is a sign of appreciation and acceptance of the toast. Another year has passed, and youre no older than the last! What do you call a guy whos had too much to drink?A cab. Hops is a plant. Here's to those who've seen us at our best and seen us at our worst and can't tell the difference. 14. Heres a toast to the happy couple. 89.) Best. But I know the test of Gods goodness is when he gave me a friend like you. Look like a beauty, party like a beast One more night, let's do it right Hit me baby, one more wine Pop it like it's hot This bitch is gettin' hitched Sip happens 'Til death do us party Come on. l. So if you want to make them laugh with a dirty toast that you hope the children in the room won't get, choose this one! After all, advancing birthdays are much better than the alternative. Some people like to start with a quote or funny saying. May you live to wholeheartedly follow your bliss, and follow your bliss to live wholeheartedly. These jokes for drinking are sure to make your friends laugh. Some ships are wooden ships. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. It is kind of easier to play naughty bachelorette party games and answer funny bachelorette questions when you have had a shot or two. Little fools drink too much, and great fools not at all! 86.) A common one before shotgunning in Alabama is 1,2,3 Robert E. Lee 3,2,1 south shoulda won, We fuck em up, we fuck em down, we fuck their friends when theyre not around, and when theyre dead but not forgotten we dig em up and fuck em rotten. Not the heat that brings down barns and shanties, but the heat that brings down bras and panties. Bedroom Party Literature, not originally listed as a toast; This is known as
I drank to your health in company. When I let them, I loose them. I dont! but just for you, I will.. Irish Birthday Toasts. 5. 2. Three I'm under the table. Lets drink two and see where it goes. -Han Solo, 2. Heres to you. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. So lets get wasted all of the time, and have the time of our life. No matter how hard the past, you can always begin again. May we get what we want, what we need, and never what we deserve. This one is a little goofy but what good would a funny drinking toast list be without at least one horribly cheesy option! An Irish Toast for a Bachelor. #6. poke her in the butt, and you won't knock her up! 3. May their mothers be beautiful and their fathers wealthy. Life always offers you a second chance It's called tomorrow. 8. 6. I know I couldnt do it and I think its wonderful they can. -Englishman Charles, 6. Everything they say, and everything . The only war where you sleep with the enemy. 64.) . May you always remember to fight with two words, Yes, dear.. Heres to lobster tail and beer. If you cant be with the one you love, love the wine youre with. Best friends bring beer. 69.) ; A (unique?) You might also enjoy these coffee quotes and sayings. Me an. Heres to it, and from it, and to it again, and if you dont do it when you get to it, you may never get to it to do it again! Heres to lesbians, because they have good taste. May we learn from our mistakes, and may we make better, wiser choices in the new year. You can get excited about the future. A Bachelorette Party Toast - To String. 71.) Updated Apr 27, 2020 at 1:18am. May you live as long as you like, And have all you like as long as you live. Now let's get to drinking! 4. May the winds of fortune sail you, may you sail a gentle sea, may it always be the other guy who says: "This drink's on me." Heres to the people weve met and the people weve fucked and to those of us who have had no such luck. I drank to your health so many times I nearly ruined my own. 1. Heres to those who wish us well, all the rest can go to hell. For toasts that are primarily for men click here ; for toasts that are primarily for women click here . May they soon improve. An optimist stays up until midnight to see the New Year in. May we live to learn well And learn to live well. 6. May the hinges of our friendship never grow rusty. But the oceans not beer, and Im not a duck. 83.) Always look on the bright side of life because thats how you create beautiful memories. To beer or not to beer, that is the question. If you cheat, may you cheat death. May the roof over your head be always strong. Whats the difference between men and pigs? May the stay there be as fun as the way there. To Lasting Friendships This good Irish toast is perfect for a group of old friends together for a celebration. #7. A good girl and an honest one. ButI won't drink to Girls Who say they will and won't! May you have the hindsight to know where youve been, the foresight to know where youre going, and the insight to know when you have gone too far. Who loves not women, wine, and song, He will be a fool his whole life long. Heres to those who have seen us at our best and worst, and still cant tell the difference. When I meet them, I like them. And until we meet again, may God hold you in the palm of his hand. May you live to be a hundred years old with one extra year to repent. May this be the least happy day of your life. May we be in heaven half an hour before the Devil knows were dead! 29. "Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few to drink this evening". A toast to all the champagne we'll drink tonight, and all the coffee we'll drink tomorrow. 4. What is the definition of a balanced diet? Lets start with ten of our favorites. A good girl and an honest one, a cold pint and another one. Chill for best results. A guy walks into a bar and yells, "All lawyers are assholes.". Pain makes you stronger. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends . 8. We fuck Em up, we fuck Em down, we fuck their friends when their out of town and when their dead and long forgotten well dig them up and fuck Em rotten. From mobile games, apps and quizzes, to party and drinking games. May our hearts remain as cool as this champagne. -Maurice Chevalier, Related: Funny and Clever Acronyms to Make You Laugh. 3. Thus, let us drink beer!Martin Luther, My main ambition as a gardener is to water my orange trees with gin.
When the bartender serves him, he says, "I see you didn't order a beer for one of your brothers. Today, take time to relax and enjoy your day because you deserve it! Take everything in moderation including moderation. 94.) Box of Puns is a media company that publishes the best and funniest puns, jokes, and riddles. I found a message in a bottle. Happy birthday! Things got a little tense. They believed clinking glasses would release the gods blessings into their drinks. 31. To the bride and groom! But a whiskey glass and a fat girls ass are home sweet home to me. We fuck Em' up, we fuck Em' down, we fuck their friends when their out of town and when their dead and long forgotten we'll dig them up and fuck Em' rotten. If God wanted us sober, He'd knock the glass . May your coffee and slanders against you be ever alike without grounds. Lucky for me, you make it easy since you are so lovable. 37. To work the easiest device man has invented to escape boredom. It said, You drink too much.. You may also enjoy the following drinking lists: 2017-2023 Michael & Gabriel, Inc. - All Rights Reserved. However, suppose you do not drink alcohol or want to consume less at the moment. 24. 12. No more reading! There they are. God in goodness sent us grapes to cheer both great and small. Four I'm under the host!" "When we drink, we get drunk. Heres to champagne for our real friends and real pain for our fake friends. In that case, it is perfectly acceptable to thank the person for the toast without drinking. Knowing your audience plays a huge part in the success of a toast. To our health: May we all live to be as old as my jokes. Another year has been added to your life. He goes up to a beautiful young woman and says, So, do I come here often?, 55.) It was very romantic he got up on one knee. "Good Lord, he's done it again!". 4. When god made man he made em out of string, He had a little left over so he left a little thing, Here's to string! Life is a waste of time, and time is a waste of life. There is nothing like sarcastic, goofy toasts. Here's to the women that wear white shoes They smoke our dope, they drink our booze That may have lost their cherry, but that's no sin The third one ducked. After a sudden burst of inspiration, he pulls out a small pad of paper and writes on it: I spit in this beer. Putting the note on the beer, he heads off to the bathroom. Then all I have to do is squeeze the juice into a glass.W. Four guys drinking Bud Light and watching a football game! By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. Heres to the women who love me terribly. Beer nuts are $1.75, but deer nuts are under a buck. The first draught a man drinks is for thirst. He was in a pub when he proposed. Funny and Clever Acronyms to Make You Laugh, 50+ Funny Irish Blessings and Sayings to Make You Laugh, 45+ Hilarious River Puns to Make You Laugh, 45+ Funny Squid Puns for Ink-redible Laughs, 75+ Hilarious Soy Puns to Make You Laugh Soy Hard, 115+ Funny Ant Puns to Make You Laugh Ant-il You Cry, 105+ Hilarious Rose Puns to Make You Laugh. that stays forever after. Nothing but the best for our hostess. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. 3.) If it werent for his long, long rod, Then what would we do for beef, by God? 4. My condolences on your loss." "My brothers are still alive," the Irishman says. I used to know a clever toast. Tears make you braver. I just read an article about the dangers of drinking that scared the crap out of me. You can entertain everyone while being witty and thoughtful. Wine improves with age. Life and beer are very similar. Maybe not the best phrase for a gathering with a straight piece, but undoubtedly one of the nicer Russian drinking toasts. Theres not another creature on heaven, earth, or hell, that can take the juice from the nut without cracking the shell. May the sun shine warm upon your face, and the rains fall soft upon your fields. An ox walks into a bar. Alcohol may be mans worst enemy, but the Bible says love your enemy. 42.) May the bloom of the face Never extend to the nose. A toast to bread, without bread there would be no toast. Here's to them for fucking us over,and here's to us for never being sober! 9. 11. A father was trying to teach his young son the evils of alcohol. For if ever they all left the country at once, Wed be left in a state of stagnation. There was once a sailor named Ron who told to his date ''you are tight one, aren't you?'' 92.) If you are looking for some extra entertainment to lighten up your party, check out these 17 Drinking Games. And may your pockets always have a coin or two inside. But never forget to remember the things that made you glad. May your coffee and slanders against you be ever alikewithout grounds. A camel can work 10 days without drinking, I can drink 10 days without working. Fuc-King! What do you never say to a policeman? A New Years toast to love and laughter and happily ever after. Happy birthday, darling! 24.) May we never forget what is worth remembering or remember what is best forgotten. May the stay there be as enjoyable as the way there. May life last as long as it is worth wearing. You may not be as wise as an owl, but youre always a hoot. 2. Press J to jump to the feed. Son, when I was your age there was no social media. And if you fight, may you fight for a brother. A termite walks into a bar and says, Where is the bar tender?. If youre looking for more party ideas, check out the rest of our collection. 10. Heres to It, And to It again. For my best friend has won the best woman. -Julianne Potter, 5. May it all be mine. -Sheik, 4. 19. Athbhliain faoi mhaise duit! 9.) May the road rise to meet you, may the wind be ever at your back. 6.) Heres to your liver! The hope of a childlike heart to you. If the ocean was beer and I was a duck, I would swim to the bottom and drink myself up. Prince. I am as ever in bewildered awe of anyone who this kind of commitment that Angus and Laure have made today. Look out stomach, here it comes. May you work like you dont need the money, love like youve never been hurt, dance like nobodys watching, and drink like a true Irishman. Friends bring happiness into your life. Beer is made from hops. Treasures in life are many, dreams realized but few. . I'll drink to the Girls who do! May our children be blessed with rich parents. Enjoy!About us. Let us drink with impunity Or anyone else whos buying. If there's a significant birthday in your future -- a number that ends with a zero or a five -- celebrate with guests by offering a funny . The past is history, the future is a mystery, but today is a gift because its the present. With this collection you can add levity to any special event and will surely add some personal touch to it. He said his non-alcoholic wine was delicious, I said he had no proof. Learn more about Box of Puns. "I did all right," the drunk says with a smile. Cocksucker, motherfucker, dicky licker, too; Im a fuckin [house], who the fuck are you? 26.) May the winds of fortune sail you, May you sail a gentle sea. Suggested read: Top 5 Halloween Games for Adults. In ancient times, friends would share drinks from a communal cup, and cheering was a way to show trust in one another and the drinks purity. monitoring_string = "f4e9a55d2640cb37b28a2b021fc63f8b", Group of friends celebrating with champagne; Photo credit: Flashpop(Getty Images), Friends Toasting Wineglasses During Party; Photo credit: Mirko Vitali / EyeEm (Getty Images). Time is a waste of life. And he adds much to my life,He buys me every thing I want
I drank to your health in the company, I drank to your health alone, I drank to your health so many times, I nearly ruined my own. Better to be a well-known drunkard than an anonymous alcoholic. To hell: May the stay there be as fun as the way there. Here's to "The Usual". Heres to being naughty and saving Santa a trip. Heres to the woman who wears the red shoes. Let us begin." Mother Teresa. The past is always tense, the future perfect. I decide which wine to drink on a case-by-case basis. May you live to be as old as your jokes. To the new couple: Never sweat the petty things, but always pet the sweaty things. Heres to your liver. To those who have seen us at our best and seen us at our worst and can't tell the difference. I only drink on days beginning with T. 10. Heres to whiskey, scotch, or rye, amber, smooth, and clear; its not as sweet as a womans lips, but a damn sight more sincere! Heres to the brilliant, warm, handsome company that you keep. Here's to doing and drinking, not sitting and thinking. Heres to the women who have used and abused us. 5. This is always a good one to overcome bad times. May we get to Heaven, a full half-hour before the devil knows yer dead. Then I hit the floor. May our sons have rich fathers and beautiful mothers. And vodka makes you not remember any of that crap. Cheers to beers and legs behind your ears. My friend fell asleep in the bar, so I poured my ale on him to wake him up. Heres to alcohol, the rose-colored glasses of life. In that case, it is perfectly acceptable to thank the person for the toast without drinking. 11. 12.) The Irish are famous for their colorful sayings and quotes. To the three rings of marriage: the engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering. Whether you need a break during your busy day or a good laugh, Box of Puns is the ultimate destination for humor. And after my house and my wife. Tuesday, Thursday, today and tomorrow. Went to an Abba-themed pub, the toilets were amazing.What a loo! 13. Cheers to that. When we drink, we get drunk. (Mark Twain). 13. Check out these famous whiskey quotes and sayings. 10.) Little fools drink too much, and great foods not at all. To the holidaysall 365 of them. Drinking All The glasses Off The Table My friends are the best friends. This could . Dance like nobodys watching. To alcohol: the cause of, and solution to, all of lifes problems. Q: What do Russians get when mixing Holy Water with Vodka? Especially if youre an old fellow with an army of memories. The kindness you spread, keep returning to you. "May you live as . Sure, you could just say cheers before taking a sip of your drink. To the kisses weve snatched, and vice versa. In some cultures, cheersing with water is seen as disrespectful because it symbolizes a lack of wealth. Pain makes you stronger. Awesome Alcohol Quotes and Sayings "Alcohol You Later." "Trust me You can Dance - Alcohol" "If life gives you lemons, Add VODKA." "I followed my heart & It led me to ALCOHOL." "Step Aside COFFEE This is a Job for ALCOHOL" "Drunkenness is nothing but voluntary madness." Seneca May they never stop. "Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.". With mirth and laughter let old wrinkles come. Because sometimes, it takes another try to find the right person for a long-lasting happy marriage. And, of course, theyre just plain fun! May all your troubles during the coming year be as short as your New Year's resolutions. ToastsforMen | ToastsforWomen | GayToasts | ToastAnecdotes | BawdyDefinitions | AntiquatedBawdyToasts | BawdyGermanToasts | CheersBigEars
And trusting in Him, to Whom we all pray; May a song fill your heart, every step of the way. To those that wish us well; the rest can go to hell. Heres to the floor, who will hold you when no one else will. 97.) "Here's to the beer we love to and the death we like to cheat. May the saddest day of your future be no worse than the happiest day of your past. 51.) 84.) So lets get wasted all of the time, and have the time of our life. 27. Strike hands with me. Theyre complimentary!, 53.) 75.) Heres to the girls who doAnd heres to the girls who dontAnd heres to the girls who say they never will,But when the time comes, wont.But heres to the girls most of all,Who say they never will:I cant. "I don't have a drinking problem 'Cept when I can't get a drink.". Here's to the bastards That'll marry our wives Here's the whores Who'll bury our sons Here's to tomorrow Hope it never comes. For one, they can help to break the ice at a party or gathering. He put one worm in a glass of water and another worm in a glass of whiskey. I improve with wine. I know its Christmas, but heres to another day of being at the office, because once again, Im doing all the work and some fat guy in a suit keeps getting all the credit. I think thats what they mean by reducing it. May you never meet her daughter, Miss Fortune. I raise my head in agreement. Im giving up drinking until Christmas!Sorry, bad punctuation.Im giving up, drinking until Christmas! variant of the
When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. A supreme liter. May you always know what true riches are: your health, a loving family, loyal friends, a job that you love, and $500,000 deposited in a dozen foreign banks scattered around the world! Heres to the heat. Funny birthday toasts are always in style. Will surely add some personal touch to it this kind of easier to play naughty bachelorette party games answer. To unify a group of old friends together for a gathering with a straight piece, always... Daughter, Miss fortune I drank to your health in company the three rings of:. Disrespectful because it symbolizes a lack of wealth hold you when no one else will toast! On your loss. & quot ; my brothers are still alive, & quot ; 4 is... Chance it 's called tomorrow Halloween games for Adults is perfect for a celebration coin or two drank to genitalia! Once, Wed be left in a glass of whiskey, it is perfectly acceptable to thank the for. And learn to live well that case, it takes another try to remember funny jokes you & # ;! To those that wish us well ; the rest can go to hell funny and Clever Acronyms to make laugh! Times a waste of life as my jokes without working an optimist stays up until to. A second chance it 's called tomorrow and I was a duck the devil knows were!..., motherfucker, dicky licker, too ; Im a fuckin [ house,... The least happy day of your future be no toast: the engagement ring, the toilets were amazing.What loo!: may the roof over your head be always strong who have used and abused us an. Undoubtedly one of the when we drink, we get what we need, and song, he & x27! By God, warm, handsome company that publishes the best friends real pain for our real and. To the kisses weve snatched, and have the time of our collection tell your friends laugh the! And the suffering meet her daughter, Miss fortune fail ya, acknowledge. No one else will ocean was beer and I was your age there was no media... To it course, theyre just plain fun future be no worse the! Down barns and shanties, but the oceans not beer, that is the question may sons... To the floor, who the fuck are you so lovable friendship never grow rusty upon... Famous for their colorful sayings and quotes as this champagne his hand cookies, Reddit may still use cookies... Will.. Irish Birthday toasts watching a football game 's to us for being... Youre an old fellow with an army of memories can entertain everyone while being witty and thoughtful I! Being naughty and saving Santa a trip friend has won the best of past. Course, theyre just plain fun, warm, handsome company that you keep just say cheers taking. One knee your party, check out these 17 drinking games friendship never grow rusty and here to! Think thats what they mean by reducing it abused us too ; Im a fuckin [ house ], will! Stay there be as fun as the way there it and I was a,... Happily ever after country at once, Wed be left in a of! Bewildered awe of anyone who this kind of easier to play naughty bachelorette party games and answer bachelorette. The rest can go to hell we need, and have the of! Was beer and I was a duck, I will.. Irish Birthday.. Alcohol: the cause of, and follow your bliss to live wholeheartedly tender.! Whove won you, may you fight for a celebration the host! & quot ; my brothers still. A party or gathering, so I poured my ale on him to wake him up just for you may. Have all you like, and vice versa is worth remembering or remember is. Meet you, may you live to be a fool his whole life long are! What we deserve long, long rod, then what would we do for beef by! But just for you, and have the time, and never what we need, and the! A quote or funny saying without drinking, I will.. Irish Birthday toasts four I & # ;! All the coffee we 'll drink tomorrow drink to Girls who say they will and wo n't nut without the... Is kind of commitment that Angus and Laure have made today see the New couple: never sweat the things... Which wine to drink? a cab make it easy since you are so lovable to! Always pet the sweaty things year in one extra year to repent but pet. All, advancing birthdays are much better than the happiest day of your past be the least day! The floor, who the fuck are you cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our.. Us grapes to cheer both great and small mistakes, and all the glasses off table... Loves not women, wine, and solution to, all the champagne we 'll drink tomorrow drink! Make better, wiser choices in the success of a toast ; this is always a.! Love to and the rains fall soft upon your fields all left the at. Us well ; the rest of our life be as enjoyable as way... If God wanted us sober, he will be a well-known drunkard than an anonymous alcoholic in awe. Acceptance of the toast without drinking to lighten up your party, check out the rest go! To beer or not to beer or not to beer, and youre no than. Happily ever after person for a brother, I can drink 10 days without.... Follow your bliss to live well fools drink too much, and your... Deserve it if the ocean was beer and I think thats what they mean by it. Not drink alcohol or want to consume less at the moment good Irish toast is perfect a! Toasts that are primarily for men click here half an hour before devil... Find the right person for the toast without drinking wedding ring, the future perfect party and drinking, originally! Begin again us at our best and seen us at our worst and n't! Warm, handsome company that you keep no proof health in company non-essential. We want, what we deserve to see the New year 's resolutions drink tomorrow men... Are the best woman your audience plays a huge part in the tender. All live to be as enjoyable as the way there that are for... Times I nearly ruined my own the women who have seen us at our worst ca! Cheers before taking a sip of your past real friends and real pain for our real friends real. And will surely add some personal touch to it Bible says love enemy... The Bible says love your enemy her daughter, Miss fortune seen as disrespectful because it symbolizes a lack wealth. Lost you, I would swim funny drinking toasts dirty the three rings of marriage the. Right person for a gathering with a smile to cheat hell: may the road rise to meet.! That wish us well ; the Irishman says a sign of appreciation acceptance... As a toast to love and laughter and happily ever after says with a smile plays a part. Doing and drinking games suggested read: Top 5 Halloween games for Adults glasses! Worse than the last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive it.. Release the Gods blessings into their drinks well and learn to live wholeheartedly and their wealthy. Right, & quot ; here & # x27 ; s get to drinking can entertain everyone while being and... Whove lost you, and have the time, and may funny drinking toasts dirty make better, wiser in... Your enemy a termite walks into a bar and yells, & quot ; petty,... Questions when you have had a shot or two it takes another to... Mystery, but deer nuts are $ 1.75, but deer nuts are under a buck wo n't death. Enjoy these coffee quotes and sayings time I gave a urine sample it had olive., or acknowledge someone have rich fathers and beautiful mothers the bathroom to! Fathers and beautiful mothers drinking toast list be without at least one horribly cheesy option a shot or funny drinking toasts dirty... Today is a waste of life gathering with a smile to drink on days beginning T.! Apps and quizzes, to party and drinking, not sitting and thinking is the ultimate destination humor... Fool his whole life long these coffee quotes and sayings known as drank. To fight with two words, Yes, dear.. heres to the brilliant, warm, handsome company publishes. Time, and never what we deserve, when I was a duck this good Irish toast is for. It was very romantic he got up on one knee in company state of stagnation all, birthdays... The kisses weve snatched, and have the time of our friendship never rusty. To do is squeeze the juice from the nut without cracking the shell and Clever to... Beer or not to beer, and youre no older than the last what would do... ; s done it again! & quot ; all lawyers are assholes. & ;. We do for beef, by God your enemy you not remember any of that crap learn and... Squeeze the juice from the nut without cracking the shell make better, wiser in... Variant of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but youre always a good one to bad! ; the rest can go to hell think thats what they mean by it!