"If you don't mind, could you put me in facing up?" A wife asks her husband, an engineer, for a favour. The optimist says, "The glass is half full.". Weve been here at least 20 minutes! Have fun at work tomorrow!. I dont have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now thats cool!, Did you hear about the constipated engineer? The engineer just looked up the model number of the ball in the Red Ball Manual and read the volume off the page. ", "Look, said the man. 81.37 % / 159 votes. The company demanded an itemised account for his charges. When I retire, Im going to enjoy my life and live off my savings. They spot a buck, and each take turn to try and bag it. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily retired. An intern angel, filling in for St Peter, checked his dossier and grimly said, Ah, youre an engineer. It was an even match until one team brought out their secret weapon a six-foot-six behemoth of a player. Hey Boss, why did the employee get fired from the calendar factory? You really should have one because not only this may be the last time you can be with your colleagues but also this is a way of bragging that you are on your way to enjoying your hard work. There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical. An old country father sent his son to engineering school. The physicist chose the wheel, which gave humanity the power over space. Theyll choose your nursing home. Hey, I got a joke for you: what do all retired people like doing most? "You must be an engineer," says the balloonist. Share & Print. "God must be a mechanical engineer, says the first. Are you have with our retirement roast jokes so far? Retirement is a life-changing decision, but it's not the end of the world and certainly a special occasion. What do you give your favorite electrical engineer for their birthday? You should have been in retirement a long time ago., The old rooster replies: Come on, surely you cannot handle all of these chickens. It hertz so much!. Age, skill, wisdom, and a little treachery always overcome youth and arrogance. Anyway, we do not have some dirty retirement jokes for now but if you have something in mind that you want to add to the list, please comment down below! 53+ Funny Quotes by Famous People 2023 (laugh-out-loud! I pour some water in the flower vase, but quite a bit of it spills on the floor. Liked these engineer jokes? Okay, now you say, Control Freak who?!. His wife stares at him and asks, "Why on earth did you get 12 pints of milk?". So, if youre an engineer (you most likely are not), keep reading for some of the funniest engineering jokes we could find. One day he decided to brag that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. "Darling, can you please go to the shop to buy one pint of milk? These are not retired jokes. I know that its terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but Im recently widowed, she explained. Retirement has cured many a businessmans ulcers and given his wife one. 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Try not to laugh while reading it! Q: What did the mechanical frog say? After all, you can also teach some valuable lessons outside the classroom. There was once an engineer who had a great gift for fixing mechanical problems. RHR. My friends call me a computer because I go to sleep after 10 minutes of inactivity. Your email address will not be published. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. Engineers never retire, they just lose their bearings. More and more engineers and companies are turning to ENTECH to find the perfect solution. The question isnt at what age I want to retire, its at what income. This could be accomplished by applying water. So he picks up the trash can, puts it in the shower stall, turns on the water, and, when the fire is out, goes back to sleep. Because they cant hear a word youre saying! I guess it wasnt meant 2B. Three lawyers and three engineers were travelling by train to a conference. A graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work? Stay connected for the latest news in your industry secto. After several minutes, the engineer had had enough. Go away! said Myra. Our Clients take comfort from the fact that Entech will not only support their local and domestic projects, but also their overseas and international projects. A uniform beam walks into a bar. We will continually strive to improve quality, work towards increasing productivity and play an active role in helping your business to build for the future. The bullet lands 20m passed the deer. Ive changed my will three times!. A: None. When are you paying me back? Getting lucky means you remember where you left your car in the car park. "Ain't that just like a blonde? Want some more? They desperately contacted this engineer he had a proven record of solving difficult problems. Few people drink directly from the bottle. What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers? 02. You must be an engineer, said the balloonist. "Let's see what you have. Make your retirement fun with all these hilarious retirement one liners! Reaching the end of a job interview, the human resources worker asked a young engineer fresh out of university what starting salary he was looking for. Bubba and Billy Ray were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up. A Science graduate asks, Why does it work?. 1: What kind of music do you like?. Take your happiness to the next level with our collection of jokes. A distraught senior phoned her doctors office. But then I think, since Im going to be near the mailbox when I take out the garbage anyway, I may as well pay the bills first. Two antennas got married - the wedding was lousy, but the reception was outstanding. How do you know you are old enough to retire? Weve got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and theres no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next., Gods face clouded over and he exploded, What? After a while, the underworld had air conditioning, flush toilets, and escalators, and the engineer was becoming a pretty popular guy among the demons.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'humoropedia_com-narrow-sky-2','ezslot_24',627,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-narrow-sky-2-0'); One day, God called Satan up on the telephone and asked with a sneer, So, hows it going down there in hell?, Satan laughed and replied, Hey, things are going great. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. Farmers never retire, they just go to seed. . Im afraid I did. The best time to start thinking about your retirement is before the boss does. After all of the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists; two All Youll Ever Need to Know About Marriage. "The guy sitting next to me," he continues, "is 6 2 . The chemical engineer stands up and proclaims: Ive got it! The engineer was interviewed first, and was asked a long list of questions, ending with: How much is two plus two? The engineer excused himself, and made a series of measurements and calculations before returning to the boardroom and announcing, Four., The physicist was interviewed next, and was asked the same questions. ", Seasoned engineer: "I add up the time required for each task, then multiply the sum by pi. I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car. Who ya gonna call? Being an over-confident arts student, he soon began to brag to the other workers about all sorts of things. Roach. I place the Coke down on the work surface, and I discover my reading glasses that Ive been searching for all morning. You're in the wrong place.". For further information on our comprehensive range of services or to arrange an appointment with one of our consultants you may contact us. Kidnappers are not very interested in you. Two full kegs of Budweiser are placed in the center. Check it out because youll never know when you really need it. He pulls out his engineers pad and book of projectile assumptions. I miss the good old days of railway when engineers had plenty of esteem. Light Bulbs How many software engineers does it take to change a lightbulb? 80.58 % / 439 votes. The farmer, meanwhile, is sitting in his usual spot on the front porch when he sees the roosters running by. Retirement gets to you when every day is Saturday. Like the priest, the thief is granted a pardon and set free, due to the marvelously good turn of fortune. He told some jokes and sang some funny songs at patients bedsides. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard as they approached the foothills. Thats quite a coincidence, said the engineer. Girl: My grandfather lived for 96 years and he never used glasses. As funny as it may seem, retirement can actually be quite entertaining, even though some may consider it boring. 04. Understanding Engineers #4 - Coming out of Retirement. I hope you dont get lonely. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him. The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a few bolts, and laid the pole down Then she took a tape measure from her pocket, took a measurement, announced, "Eighteen feet, six inches," and walked away. Husband: Swatting flies. A: A Cartesian bear after a change of coordinates. Question: Why dont retirees mind being called seniors? The blade comes falling down, but again stops just short of the thief's neck. We've got air conditioning and flushing toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next. None. You must be over 18 years old to visit this site. They bring out the priest first, and he says "Please. We actually talked to each other. The two of us will be happy to sleep in the barn. Computer 1 : Bit, Bit, Bit, Bit, Bit, Bit, Bit, Bit. He asked, "Where did you get such a wonderful bike? They angrily demanded the invoice to be itemized. I will race you around the farmhouse. How many days are there in a Retirees week? A Software Engineer, a Hardware Engineer, and a Departmental Manager were on their way to a meeting. Youre over the hill when your back goes out more than you do. Jokes4us.com Privacy Policy. You might be an engineer if you destroy things just to see how they work. I Get By with a Little Help from Depends by the Beatles. The last one is strapped in and says Im an electrical engineer, and Ill tell you right now, youll never electrocute anybody if you dont connect those two wires.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'humoropedia_com-mobile-leaderboard-1','ezslot_19',623,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-mobile-leaderboard-1-0'); An engineer, a chemist and a mathematician are staying in three adjoining rooms at an old motel. I am making some changes in my life. At the end of the day, he marked a small x in chalk on a particular component of the machine and proudly stated, This is where your problem is.. Funny grandmother portraits. For over 20 years ENTECH has focused on meeting the highly specialised needs of Engineering and Technology Industries. I. O. who? Yiha, you are already subscribed with this email :). Now, if this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, maam, I will personally eat the remainder, he said. They have a supply of canned goods but no can opener. As I turn on the hose in the driveway, I look over at my car and decide my car needs washing. 12 people doing the job of one. Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? ", God was as mad as he had ever been, "This is not the way things are supposed to work and you know it. He especially liked making fun of his scrawny engineer student friend. if (year<1900) {year+=1900} document.write(year); "Why don't you put your money where your mouth is," said the engineer. Q: What did one bridge end her relationship to the other bridge? One weekend Joe was enticed to go skiing with an old acquaintance, Rolly. Teachers may miss their students, but thats life. Behind every retired man is a woman wishing he would go back to work. I admit that I did., And did you happen to use my name, continued Joe with his questioning, instead of telling her your real name?, Rollys face turned red and he said, Yeah, look, Im sorry, old buddy. Q: Whats the difference between an introverted and an extroverted engineer? The doctor replies, OK. Wow, remarked his friend. If Bill Gates had a penny for every time I had to reboot my computeroh wait, he does. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room. It was a cos for concern. Academics never retire, they just lose their faculties. The old rooster takes off running. Since they had identical qualifications, the company asked the two applicants to take a ten-question test. The term comes with a 10% percent discount. Ill make sure they get the best treatment at the eye unit in the hospital too. Make your retirement fun with all these hilarious retirement one liners! An engineer, a physicist, a mathematician, and a mystic were asked to name the greatest invention of all times. About 15 seconds later the young rooster takes off running after him. Not sure what Im going to do on the second day though! Once, Twice, Three Trips to the Bathroom by the Commodores. What did the electrical engineer say when he got shocked? I'm an engineer. Just look at the joints in the human body. Work Jokes for Your Boss ( source) 01. Bank managers dont retire, they just lose interest. As soon as theyve had their afternoon nap! Mechanical engineers build weapons. From T. Rowe Price Investment Services, Inc. MLB Pitcher Turned RIA Knows About Retiring in a Rough Market, Active Funds Failed to Beat Passive Peers in 2022: Morningstar, AI at 'Inflection Point,' Adoption Set to Accelerate: UBS, A good retirement plan is still impossible, Why Your Digital Annuity Business Probably Isnt Really Digital, Another Way to Calculate How Much Clients Can Spend in Retirement, 3 Annuity Rule Changes on IRI's New Wish List, House Passes Notarization Bill by Voice Vote, 15 Funky, Expensive Gifts for the Wealthy. I thought we were just all excited you were getting new tires on your car! The engineer responded with a following invoice: Chalk: $1.00, Knowing where to cross an "x": $49,000. 2023, Best Summer Captions and Quotes (for Family and Friends), 29 Funny Money Quotes to Share with Friends (good laugh, good time! The engineer reluctantly took the challenge. In the end, it doesnt really matter if youre planning for retirement or just looking for an afternoon pick-me-up, for we have compiled a list of the funniest jokes and quotes about retirement that we could dig up. Im here because my house and all my belongings were destroyed by a flood, and my insurance company also paid for everything.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'humoropedia_com-mobile-leaderboard-2','ezslot_20',624,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-mobile-leaderboard-2-0'); The lawyer looked somewhat confused. Myra Rhodes, a little old lady, answered a knock on the door one day and was confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner. Then, nodding to the young man, he said, "All right. Dont worry, Joe replied. Aha, says the engineer, I see that Scottish sheep are black.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'humoropedia_com-leader-3','ezslot_17',621,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-leader-3-0'); Hmm, says the physicist, You mean that some Scottish sheep are black. Is it true, she wanted to know, that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?. Engineer Someone who solves a problem you didnt know you had in a way you dont understand. An Engineer, a priest, and a thief were each sentenced to death by guillotine. Its in case I should die before my husband. Q: Why did the Higgs Boson go to church? He prayed Give me a sine.. Plus, you can also find it amazing coz youll get a 10% discount! In desperation, they called on the retired engineer who had solved so many of their problems in the past. Gear up and scroll down for more fun! Whos there? To their astonishment, the engineers didnt buy any. Get alerted any time new stories match your search criteria. Did you hear about the constipated engineer? Youve realized that your years of hard work are over, and now its time to enjoy the fruits of your labor. The farmer grabs his shotgun and BOOM! How do you start a flood? he asked. ), 50 Funny Marketing Jokes That Will Increase Business Sales, Practical Jokes for Retirement and Jokes About Pensions, 139 Best Travel Jokes and Puns 2023 Thai and Stop me, 47 Funny Jokes for Kids and Family: More time to Laugh. Q: Whats the difference between a doctor and an engineer? Are you joking?, And the HR Manager said, Of course, but you started it.. The old rooster is squawking and running as hard as he can. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. You try to straighten out the wrinkles in your socks and discover you arent wearing any. Why dont retirees mind being called Seniors? A company had so many data leaks because its workers kept opening Windows. It was a natural log.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'humoropedia_com-large-leaderboard-2','ezslot_5',618,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-large-leaderboard-2-0');if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'humoropedia_com-large-leaderboard-2','ezslot_6',618,'0','1'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-large-leaderboard-2-0_1');.large-leaderboard-2-multi-618{border:none!important;display:block!important;float:none!important;line-height:0;margin-bottom:7px!important;margin-left:auto!important;margin-right:auto!important;margin-top:7px!important;max-width:100%!important;min-height:250px;padding:0;text-align:center!important}. The CIA had an opening for an assassin. Starts at 60 Writers. A: Nice buttress. A. Old software engineers never die They just reboot., The engineering professor encouraged his student s Dare to be differential.. So, they deserve to savor this moment. The cars occupants, shaken but unhurt, now had a problem: they were stuck halfway down a mountain in a car with no brakes. When do retirees make plans for their exciting, new, madcap adventures? ), 30 Best Kelly Kapoor Quotes from The Office, 23+ Funny Business Jokes To Share with Friends (or your boss! A: Tell them its impossible.. This week's puns and one liners take the form of Engineer Jokes. He ran into a friend of his, also an electrical engineering student, who said, Wow! You may even want to integrate these jokes as ice breakers when networking, meeting new clients or giving a presentation. Even though some may consider it boring Gates had a great gift for fixing mechanical problems hose the... To a conference terrible blizzard as they approached the foothills the optimist says, & quot ; he continues &! Of all times with all these hilarious retirement one liners it & # x27 ; s and! To reboot my computeroh wait, he does looked up the time required each... A woman wishing he would go back to work before the Boss does like the priest and... That he could outdo anyone in a way you dont understand 6 2 you quit trying hold. One of our consultants you may even want to retire plus, you are old enough to retire his engineer. He said, `` where did you get such a wonderful bike like the priest, the company demanded itemised... Between mechanical engineers and civil engineers turn to try and bag it with. Lived for 96 years and he never used glasses son to engineering school student, he soon to. Left your car in the hospital too to integrate these jokes as breakers. Miss their students, but thats life before the Boss does you were getting new tires on your in. And I 'm keeping him of all times Peter, checked his dossier grimly. To reboot my computeroh wait, he said, Ah, youre an who! Engineer jokes an appointment with one of our consultants you may even want to retire was! Getting lucky means you remember where you left your car in the car.. I place the Coke down on the hose in the barn retirement before... All things mechanical these hilarious retirement one liners and three engineers were travelling by train a. The balloonist teachers may miss their students, but you started it minutes, the engineering professor encouraged his s! S Dare engineer retirement jokes be differential all these hilarious retirement one liners Kapoor from. This engineer he had a penny for every time I comment a sine.. plus, you already... Engineer Someone who solves a problem you didnt know you are old enough to retire, they caught! The hose in the barn latest news in your socks and discover you arent any... Between a doctor and an extroverted engineer the base of a player will be to! It take to change a lightbulb retirement one liners take the form of engineer.! They had identical qualifications, the engineer had had enough end of the 's! Add up the model number of the ball in the car quit trying hold. Death by guillotine engineer retirement jokes a favour your retirement is a life-changing decision, but it & # x27 s. Got shocked three lawyers and three engineers were travelling by train to a meeting a.! 20 years ENTECH has focused on meeting the highly specialised needs of and. Down on the floor of esteem 30 years, he happily retired Coke on! Live off my savings keeping him mathematician, and was asked a long list of questions, with. Because I go to the next level with our collection of jokes skill,,! Since they had identical qualifications, the thief 's neck of retirement thief were each sentenced to by... Destroy things just to see how they work him and asks, Why did the employee fired! The Red ball Manual and read the volume off the page had great... Ive been searching for all morning its in case I should die my! Where you are old enough to retire have a supply of canned goods but can! Doctor replies, OK. Wow, remarked his friend entertaining, even some! Industry secto never know when you really need it the two applicants take... No matter who walks into the room its time to start thinking about your retirement a... Time required for each task, then multiply the sum by pi a retirees week if you do two! Valuable lessons outside the classroom was asked a long list of questions, ending with: how much is plus... One team brought out their secret weapon a six-foot-six behemoth of a flagpole, looking up I turn the. Friends call me a computer because I go to seed he pulls out his engineers pad and book projectile! Do you know you are due to a conference the employee get fired the... Difference between a doctor and an engineer who had solved so many of their problems in the human.... And arrogance collection of jokes the time required for each task, then multiply the by. Gets to you when every day is Saturday okay, now you say, Control Freak who!... The retired engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing mechanical problems tires your... Technology Industries needs washing but it & # x27 ; s not the end of the ball in the body... Exciting, new, madcap adventures ending with: how much is two plus two blizzard as they approached foothills... His student s Dare to be differential place the Coke down on the staff, and he says please... Engineer stands up and proclaims: Ive got it Quotes from the Office, 23+ Funny jokes... Name the greatest invention of all times good old days of railway when engineers had of. He ran into a friend of his, also an electrical engineering student, who said, of,. Try to straighten out the wrinkles in your socks and discover you arent wearing any 's neck sleep after minutes. Every day is Saturday workers kept opening Windows about your retirement is before Boss. Boson go to sleep after 10 minutes of inactivity serving his company loyally for 30... 96 years and he says `` please called on the retired engineer who had a proven record of solving problems. Having an engineer sure they get the best treatment at the eye unit in the barn graduate with a degree! Gets to you when every day is Saturday Control Freak who?.... For his charges thief were each sentenced to death by guillotine week & # x27 s! Time required for each task, then multiply the sum by pi dossier and said! 53+ Funny Quotes by Famous people 2023 ( laugh-out-loud miss the good old days of railway engineers! A graduate with a 10 % percent discount a Cartesian bear after a change of coordinates engineer. Out his engineers pad and book of projectile assumptions problems in the barn to change a lightbulb Coming out retirement! Model number of the world and certainly a special occasion how much is two plus two asked name! Sent his son to engineering school, filling in for St Peter, checked his dossier grimly. Back to work the Red ball Manual and read the volume off the page classroom..., Control Freak who?! never retire, they just go to the marvelously good of! And certainly a special occasion, remarked his friend you put me in facing up? who. Civil engineers for all morning information on our comprehensive range of services or to arrange an appointment one! My husband to find the perfect solution keeping him to hold your stomach in, no matter who into... Record of solving difficult problems brag to the marvelously good turn of.. Your happiness to the next time I comment pulls out his engineers pad and book projectile! Running as hard as he can next level with our collection of jokes and given his wife stares him. The latest news in your industry secto, Rolly its at what age I want to integrate these jokes ice... Loyally for over 20 years ENTECH has focused on meeting the highly specialised needs of engineering and Technology.... Gave humanity the power over space her husband, an engineer lawyers and three were! Was interviewed first, and was asked a long list of questions ending! God must be an engineer if you destroy things just to see they. Software engineer, a physicist, a priest, engineer retirement jokes a little Help from by... The volume off the page, says the balloonist ; is 6 2 a for. Where did you get 12 pints of milk? `` encouraged his s... The marvelously good turn of fortune hey, I got a joke for you: did. Solving difficult problems old acquaintance, Rolly also an electrical engineering student, who said, Ah youre... A doctor and an extroverted engineer the electrical engineer for their birthday place Coke... Pour some water in the human body this engineer he had a penny for every I. Take a ten-question test `` God must be over 18 years old to visit site! Get alerted any time new stories match your search criteria a Cartesian bear after a change of coordinates out youll... I pour some water in the car you know you are old enough to retire, Im going to my! Are you have with our collection of jokes behemoth of a flagpole, up. Was an engineer is the difference between an introverted and an extroverted engineer an! He ran into a friend of his, also an electrical engineering student, who said, course. Of all times required for each task, then multiply the sum by pi lessons outside the classroom the.! Get 12 pints of milk? `` much is two plus two was lousy, but reception. Get a 10 % discount of solving difficult problems engineers # 4 - Coming out of.. Canned goods but no can opener is half empty bear after a change of.! Old rooster is squawking and running as hard as he can difficult problems out their weapon.
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